IC Contact - Snowblind

[phaseshifter]

This is Angel. Leave a message.

Comments

oh my goD BECKETT,

[phaseshifter]

And in all your hours of serious practical internetting, you never got so much as ambushed by a lewd pop-up ad?

[ Unfathomable. Vampires must have their own internet. One where they leave yelp reviews for blood banks and get spam email advertisements for vampagra pills. ]

[bookofnope]

Well, yes, now and then. It is the gift of mankind that if a medium exists they will find a way to make it supply pornography. It's just usually restricted to body parts that humans actually possess.

[phaseshifter]

[ why is the thought of beckett getting attacked by porn pop-ups angel's new favourite thing jfc ]

Oh. I guess unlike myself, your average human-slash-vampire doesn't spend a lot of time researching one-eyed tentacle vore monsters, huh.

 

 

Wait, that soun-- for Jack. For vault stuff.

[bookofnope]

[The thought of Angel looking up tentacle monsters vore porn is not Beckett's favourite thing at all.]

I feel like I'm about to be told that one-eyed tentacle porn monsters are a real problem in your world. And I'm not sure I want to be.

[phaseshifter]

Oh, geez, no! There was just one. Inside the Vault. Thus the need for research! And it's dead now. Obviously.

 

I mean, we have threshers, which are pretty tentacley. But they have lots of eyes. Not the same thing at all.

[bookofnope]

You say that like just one tentacle porn monster isn't a problem.

[how is this conversation still happening]

At least it's dead. I hope the corpse was burned. To very fine ashes. Which were then launched into space. Deep space.

[phaseshifter]

Can you quit calling The Destroyer a tentacle porn monster. And actually, part of its corpse was launched into space! Jack took the eye and made a giant death laser out of it, which got installed on Hyperion's space station.

I never actually saw it, but I hear it was very cool. And that it went BRRWWAAAHHH when it fired. And as far as I know, nobody wrote adult-oriented fanfiction about it in that form.

[ Someone probably did, tho. SPACE RULE 34 APPLIES ]

[bookofnope]

Goodness, I hear giant death lasers have incredible penetrating power. And I'm glad we've established it was a screamer.

[TIME FOR A COUNTERATTACK]

[phaseshifter]

BECKETT.

[ FOR SHAME, OLD MAN. Turnabout is not fair play.

Her mock-disapproving expression only lasts for a moment before it's replaced with one of total and utter agony. Oh no. ]

Oh my god. The weapon, it - it was destroyed because someone hijacked it and. And was firing it at a crack on the moon. And it was destroyed by overloading it so it exploded everywhere.

[ It literally being made from a one-eyed tentacle monster is bad enough WHY IS HER DAD'S EVIL ORIGIN STORY A DICK JOKE ]

[bookofnope]

[His is a shining victory. Give the old man a medal.]

I may not know much about the internet, child, but allow me to blow your mind: people have been turning everything into a euphemism since before literacy was invented.

[phaseshifter]

Don't child me, you fart, or I'll ensure everyone in town knows that you've let a giant squid touch your butt.

[ MATURE ]

Just because some of us don't predate literacy, geez!

[bookofnope]

I have never let a giant squid anywhere near my - why am I even bothering to deny this.

1/2

[phaseshifter]

Onnnne second.

[ She's doing that face. The lil shit face. The one where if you'd seen Handsome Jack before the scar and the mask, you'd be able to see the tiniest bit of family resemblance. ]

2/2

[phaseshifter]

[ Hey Beckett you know how your good buddy Captain Hoodface can splice together bits of video to make his creepy broadcasts

Well from this conversation alone Angel has managed to stitch together a slightly jerky sounding audio file of Beckett's voice saying "giant squid tentacles plundered my booty"

It's just about audible above the snickering, so ENJOY ]

That's why.

[bookofnope]

[what just happened]

How did you - this is -

[Beckett. Beckett. The more you sputter the worse you're making it.]

No one would ever believe I actually said that.

[HE DOESN'T SOUND TOO SURE ENJOY]

[phaseshifter]

[ CACKLING INTENSIFIES ]

You're really lucky I don't use my powers for evil.

Any more.

Much.