phaseshifter | IC Contact

Both works
I could probably carry you with my pinky
Not necessarily by the buttbone

[ why has buttbone become a thing why ]

wow who has that kind of patience
FUCK THE TRIALS

Oh, you could not!!
One-handed MAYBE
But not just with your pinky!! Not without some serious finger exercises on your part and some balancing practice on mine :TTTTTT

[ shhhhhh do not question the buttbone shhHSHHSHhhshhshhhhhhhh ]

Wow, fine, be that way!!
You'll have to settle for being the non-roided-out kind of badass
You must be very disappointed

The metal one's pretty sturdy ;)

[ nO ]

[ back to bullshitting then ]

I'll live
I'll probably cry a little tonight but what can you do
Still better than facilitating patience just for this

Sturdy enough to lift the buffest person in town???
S w o o n !

Oh no now I'M going to cry all through the night knowing I've made YOU cry
Could anything be more tragic??
I guess this is just what you get when you meddle with forces of badassery that no human is equipped to deal with
In the future we should both probably........ abs-tain from such things B))))

[ stOP ]

If you want a trial run...

Oh no
They'll probably build a movie around this moment and make the next equivalent of Marilyn Monroe star in it

[ ACTUAL GROAN AT THE PUN ]

i
i have no comeback to this
pls stop talking to me

[ no don't ]

Only if you promise not to throw me with it!!
I've been thrown by a jerk with a robot arm before (GUESS WHO) and it was so freaking undignified >:O

And wait why Marilyn Monroe
Is this a dig at my teen goth phase because I'll have you know I looked kind of adorable anOH NO WAIT THAT'S MARILYN MANSON
HECK
Was Monroe the one with the skirt? Ancient history was never my strong point /)_(\

[ ANGEL UR AN EMBARRASSMENT ]

And I can shut up if you really want me to
I mean, I'd hate to
muscle
in on your alone time or something?? B)

pretty sure getting thrown is undignified no matter what it's done with

Yeah with the skirt and 1000 movies and the like fucking cult-like following
If I never have to sleep through another film with her it'll be too soon

[ he's... not a big fan. Same as with opera. Lussuria and possibly Xanxus, however... ]

You are, however, welcome to
bone in
on that whenever you like

[ because her bones have muscles get it get it ]

Wait, she has THAT much of a following in your time??
Huh
I mean if it's any consolation her relevance doesn't really last long enough for me to know much about her so she can't be THAT popular any more
I'm guessing her movies don't have enough explosions in them for Pandoran tastes :TTTT

[ Imagine if they did, tho. INCREDIBLE ]

And omg congrats on the STRONG showing on the pun front B)
You've gotta be careful with your... *tone* when you're talking about alone time, though. People might get the wrong idea B))))))

(tone like. muscle tone? Iunno muscle puns are actually kinda hard)

i was exaggerating but it feels like that sometimes
good to know

im getting the feeling i have Pandoran tastes

[ it sounds like the kind of planet Varia would own tbh ]

close enough
i don't mind :p

[ look you taught him to emote... ]

Pandoran taste is good taste!
Uh sometimes
Some of the scuzzier bandit camps are really just kind of gross but whatever!!

And omg
You did an emote!! A cute one!
I'M SO PROUD ♥
brb screenshotting it to preserve it for all time B)

Great.
Sounds like my coworker's fridge.

NO REDISTRIBUTIONS!!

Considering how grody fridges can get you're
probably not actually that far off
I don't want to know the deets, do I?

And don't worry, I'll put it nice and safely into my emergency blackmail folder!! >;P ♥
Right next to the photos of Beckett in a flower crown
You should be honoured >:3333

I don't know, do you?
hint: it contains dead things
it's like a hobby i guess

so what do i need to pay for your silence ;)

Oh!
Gross, but significantly less gross than what I was imagining
At least if they keep the dead things in the fridge they're not stinking up the place I guess?? Which is
something :|a

[ SO UNDERSTANDING. SO TOLERANT. SO WEIRD ]

And oh Iunno
I'm sure you can think of SOMETHING to effectively shut me up
>;D
> ;D
>;D
> ;D

[ flirting is hard, actually, ]

now you have to tell me

[ r i p ]

i've got a few ideas

kinda requires you to be here though

[ it's duct tape tbh ]

I was thinking more like copious amounts of mould and leaky varkid larvae and dried out skin pizza.
WAY grosser than dead things!
Uh unless the dead things are meddled with in really horrid ways I guess
you should see how things get all blistered and warped after they're injected with slag, it's TERRIBLE
(you shouldn't actually see it it's the woooooorst)

And oh no!! I guess that's more incentive to meet back up asap
if you needed any B))))

[ A LITTLE KINKIER THAN SHE WAS EXPECTING BUT, WELL, ]

I should totally see it
Is that some kinda acid?

[ sounds pretty exciting honestly? he probably wouldn't slap any on his sword because precision slicing is cooler than poison burns but still. ]

got as much as i need now

Almost. It's the runoff from the eridium refinement process! It isn't as straight-up deadly to humans as liquid eridium is, but the applications are far more wide-ranging
It weakens synthetic and organic materials in small amounts, making them more susceptible to damage, and in large doses can mutate or even kill creatures or people that it's applied to!
Figuring out how to apply it to weapons without it eventually wrecking them as well as your enemies has been one of the more recent breakthroughs in weapons technology
It's kinda been a gamechanger honestly?? We sell way more guns now because following up shots with a slag weapon with a combustive one or whatever wrecks the heck out of your enemies. So it encourages people to buy more than one!
It's kinda awesome
But then you get the dumber bandits doing things like sitting in barrels of it or trying to drink the stuff to make themselves more powerful and it HECKS. THEM. UPPPPPPPPP. G r o s s.

[ She's just not going to go into all the experiments that go down in the wildlife preservation reserve because NOPE ]

Yeah that does sound like something the military would love to get their hands on.
Or anyone producing weapons, I guess.

Sitting in it, though?

Sitting. In. It. They aren't the brightest. The local bandits aren't so much missing braincells as they're missing entire frontal lobes.
There was this one group of them that I was keeping an eye on who eventually landed on the idea of drinking molten metal to reinforce their insides to make them bulletproof. THAT'S the kind of intelligence they possess. Sitting in toxic byproducts of dangerous materials doesn't seem that bad in comparison! :P

Okay that's

wow

How did they survive long enough to be able to walk well enough to make it into the acid barrel

We'd fucking destroy them

Duh! Of course you would! Most bandit gangs are just kinda bullet fodder??

oh wow that sounded sociopathic um
I mean that they're just kinda
disposable??

friCK THAT SOUNDED WORSE
My point is that only a few of them stay organised and/or alive long enough to form a cohesive unit, let alone an active threat!
The ones that DO get that far can be pretty dangerous, though
I mean you'd likely curbstomp those too but not as easily as your common trash mob bandit :T

wow I really have to stop talking about them like they're just there to be shot and forgotten huh this is embarrassing

no it makes perfect sense don't worry

[ he's embracing your sociopathy, Angel! through no interests of his own! ]

trash mobs are trash mobs

still surprising they last even that long though

or do they reproduce by mitosis

omg! Don't encourage me, that's terrible!! XO
I'm sure at least SOME generic-seeming bandits are perfectly rich and textured individuals with their own lives and complex emotional reactions
(does that sound convincing)

And weirdly enough bandit reproduction isn't something I'm an expert in >:P
Though now that you've mentioned it I'm 100% certain that they HAVE to reproduce asexually because the alternative is so gross my brain rejects thinking about it. Violently. I've blacked out three times just writing this and there's blood spewing from my nose, it's the worst!!

ah yes i'm sure they even have bandit dreams and aspirations and little bandit children waiting at home

funny how thinking about all that makes some people more reluctant to kill

[ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

oh come on how gross can it be

[ didn't they fuck Claptraps at some point it really seems more plausible that most of them weren't born locally and just dumped there by the corporations instead but who could really tell. at the very least there seemed to be an alarming lack of female bandits and general residents on the planet. ]

IC Contact - Snowblind

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sry my eyes glazed over

how fuckin DARE

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