phaseshifter | IC Contact

Don't. I'll get there.

[ unless something kidnaps and/or kills him again, but, you know. ]

Hey, don't fucking rub it in. My kidnap count is still lower than yours.

So what happens if I lick it does it infect my tongue too or

[ wow ]

Yeah well I'm not used to people going with my plans unless I'm paying them so

You can say it's in advance for when you get that fucking glitterglass out of me then

You better!!

[ She's going to fret constantly and everyone knows it. RIP. ]

Look that's not fair
Do multiple kidnappings even count if they're sorta by the same person? Or if they're mass kidnappings? Because I really don't think the Jacknappings should count separately. And Robert Miller just has a kidnapping fetish which means it doesn't count either because Iunno about you but I didn't consent to being part of his kink??

And, uh, no. In its solid form, eridium won't spread. Or hurt you by touching it. But I was coughing up plenty of the liquid stuff when I was dying and ftr it tastes SUPER gross! So don't do it.
(Why do I get the feeling you just did it)

[ Let her just. Stare suspiciously at her tablet for a second.

Okay there we go. ]

And shush, I'll always go with your plans as long as they aren't TOTALLY dumb.
Well
Maybe some of the dumb ones if they sound fun?? Uh, anyway. You don't have to thank me for eridium removal either!!
It's sweet that you would, though
(Yes, sweet, deal with it)

Everything totally counts. Unless I'm still winning, then it doesn't have to I guess? I'm not supposed to be kidnappable. Or like. Inprisonable. This fucking sucks.

[ oh ew. he makes a disgusted noise but apparently the translator can't decide how to transcribe that. ]

Too late.

[ Maybe he didn't. Doesn't mean he's not going to play. ]

Good to know,
wait HEY are you saying my plans are usually dumb? Because they're not. They're fucking awesome plans.

[ LIKE GOING OFF WITH AN ANOMALY,, ]

It doesn't matter whether you're supposed to be kidnappable or not! The fact is that you *are.* Dude, I'm sorry, but you're an official member of the damsel in distress collective now.
It's not as bad as it sounds! We have a secret handshake and everything. Welcome to the club! ;P

And wow you did NOT just try to say your plans are great after you just LICKED ERIDIUM?? FOR REAL??
Meaning yes I'm saying your plans are usually dumb in my experience
I mean? The kidnapping plan, for example? Dumb!! Super dumb!!
Even if it DID work out okay despite that
Sort of
For a while. Before the whole anomaly thing. :///

[ Look even if it was the worst plan in the history of ever it DID get them laid, so,,,,, ]

Fuck

HEY IT WORKED BEAUTIFULLY YOU TAKE THAT BACK

[ getting laid makes it the best plan in history okay ]

Don't be like that! The club only has us, Rhys, and John in it. And sure, they're complete nerds, but that means we look even cooler in comparison!
Kind of a sweet deal when you think about it, right??

[ no, angel. no. ]

I take nothing back!
It only worked beautifully if part of your original intention was to piss me off and then be conveniently available when I was in need of (admittedly awesome) end of the world sex!!

Which actually doesn't sound THAT unlikely now I think about it :|a

That's fucking awful. Nobody's looking cooler, y'all are just making me look bad. Shit.

That was a lucky coincidence, but are you complaining?

Hey, wow, don't include ME in that "y'all" right there!! The only way I make people look bad is when I outshine them by being too intelligent and/or adorable. :P

And um well no
But that means it doesn't count as a good plan because you didn't plan it! Ha!
(REALLY not complaining though)
(Not even a little bit)
(Just so that's clear)

Okay fine you have something going for you I'll give you that
Clever and pretty

[ wow it's almost like he's trying to get laid again isn't it ]

Hey did you fuckin kill Rhysie or anyone else during that time?
It fucking worked.
(Good. Not that I had any doubts.)

Well, I'd hope so! Geez!! What would it say about your standards if I was plain and dumb as rocks??

And no but
I wouldn't have anyway! And the plan did get Rhys mildly roughed up. And you guys studded with freaking murder crystals.
Though
Maybe there would have been more eridium casualties if we'd stayed at the bunker, since it seems some of the anomalies managed to get inside at one point? So I guess it maybe worked? Sort of??
Does that mean I owe you one again, or are we tucking it under the metaphorical friendship rug? >:P

Yeah the standard thing doesn't work for dudes
It'd just say that I've spent half a year in frozen tundra sausage fest

We can tuck it until I need something from you. :p
Like those crystals removed I guess.
After we test this thing.

Oh my god. I feel so special! You really have to stop seducing me from afar like this, dude, it's really freaking frustrating.

[ Except no she's laughing like a giant dork because of how thoroughly Squaloish that response is. SO FOND. SO GROSS. ILLEGAL. STOP IT. ]

Right, right, the tests come first!!
You HAVE to hurry back after that, though
From what I've seen the eridium crystals don't seem to be breaking down into peoples' bloodstreams and causing problems or anything, which is good, but you can never be too sure!!
If you start barfing glowy blood or your veins turn purple or something then abandon the stupid door and get out here ASAP.
(That isn't me fussing that's just sensible advice)

Hey it doesn't apply to you!
I'm just saying. Take, like, prison. After a while the donut hole starts feelin like a vivid personality. Nobody questions it.

Just hold that thought until I get there. ;)

[ YOU'RE WELCOME. ]

Alright I'll keep an eye on it. Or like. Any of that happening.

[ MORE CACKLING. Anyone who happens to be near the bunker entrance is being treated to the full snortlaugh. IT'S ALL VERY UNDIGNIFIED. ]

Dude. You have such a way with words. It's like I'm freaking THERE. ;P
Wait, though, have you actually BEEN to prison?? We don't reeeally have them on Pandora
I mean, we have Hyperion's detention centers and stuff! But those are really more of a "we're gonna stuff you in here until we get around to executing and/or interrogating you via torture" kind of thing. Usually very short-term.

And good
The more you take care of yourself, the less I have to fuss over you! Everybody wins!
(Unless you secretly like the fussing)
(and you totally do) >:B

[ *the ADORABLE snortlaugh ]

Uh, sorta. Not prison-prison. I was held in a facility for questioning. I mean, I was too good to get caught for real, you know?

Which is why this whole kidnapping thing is so unacceptable :/

Definitely
But also yeah it's kinda nice

[ IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S REALLY BEEN FUSSED ABOUT BEFORE? Well, okay, there was Dino but he also refused to accept Squalo's opinion about Xanxus, so fuck him. ]

[ NO IT'S EMBARRASSING!! ]

Oh ~~shit~~ ~~frick~~ fuck!! Isn't that worse than prison, though? Because then they want something from you and do awful things to GET that something instead of just leaving you to do
Iunno
prison things?? Oh geez, is that how you got that one scar?? The super painful looking one?
(Also don't worry about the kidnapping dude, Miller 100% cheated and the anomaly-me thing barely counts as an abduction, really. You don't have to be in the damsel club. It can just be us nerds)

[ wait

WAIT

SOMEONE LIKES HER FUSSING

SQUALO LIKES HER FUSSING

THEY'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED NOW AND HAVE LIKE TEN BABY SEPHIROTHS WHO WILL BE RAISED BY BESTER BECAUSE WHAT IS CHILD REARING ]

Kinda nice? Really?? ♥
So I can fuss all I want? I'll make sure not to do it too much in public or anything so people don't get the wrong idea and think you *need* it
Just secret illicit fussing? :O

[ a d o r a b l e ]

[ okay he sort of laughs to himself too because aw look at her fussing again then hisses in pain because the laughing rattles the crystals, you know the usual ]

No, that's not how I got that one.

[ But it's how he got some others, is that what he's saying??? ]

But it was shitty, yeah.

Almost as shitty as the damsel club. It's good to be out.

[ oh no what has he done ]

[ he's unleashed the fussing monster?!! ]

[ NOT TO MENTION THE TEN SEPHIROTHS but honestly that part's fine, fuck you Final Fantasy villages and whatnot ]

That sounds great actually
Just don't overdo it
Or tell anyone

You finally found a kink I'm ashamed of

[ IT'S RESPECT AND CARING APPARENTLY ]

[ tbh he's not really ashamed, but he'll let her have this one ]

Oh geez
How *did* you get that one? Do I even wanna know?? I mean I'm not going to bug you about it if it's not something you want to go over!
Same with the sorta-prison thing
I'm sorry that you had to go through that even if you DID just insult a noble institution that I'm still a proud member of!!
(and even if you got some really freaking cool scars out of it)
(REALLY cool)

[ Way cooler than the tiny barely-noticable ones she has on her hand. EVEN RHYS HAS COOLER SCARS THAN HER? IT SUCKS? HER PRIORITIES ARE GREAT ]

Consider my lips sealed!!
Or not SEALED because uh they're good for things other than blabbing your secrets, but you know what I mean

wait did you say kink

[ THAT MEANS FUSSING IS SEXY

THEY'RE GONNA GET TURBOMARRIED ]

I was trying to protect someone.
I'd rather not talk about it.
Especially over text

[ it was obviously Xanxus, wasn't it ]

Oh I know that ;)

maybe

[ KEEP TALKIN DIRTY TO HIM BABE ]

Okay! I won't push it!
It's pretty awesome that you got it protecting someone, though. Like that kinda justifies how cool it is or something??
It reminds me of how Jack used to say that bandits were literally incapable of caring about other people on a genetic level
Can you believe that I swallowed that crap? For YEARS??
I mean yes okay you're more um
sophisticated? than Pandoran bandits. But still!!

[ OBVIOUSLY Xanxus. Beyond obvious. Still adorable as hell, though, regardless of the pissbaby status of the protectee. SIIIGH~ ]

omg
So does that mean that your idea of an ideal bang sesh would involve being punched or bitten or having your hair pulled or whatever
followed by having that made up to you via fussing?
SEXY fussing?? (Totally taking notes over here)

Hey, it's easy to swallow crap when you don't have any information to the contrary. Don't sweat it.

Okay like this is the first fucking time anyone has called me sophisticated

[ he's fucking dying over here okay ]

I'll take it as a compliment? I guess.

[ this is somehow going into sexting territory now? ]

Yes to the first part
No to the second, it doesn't need to be made up
It can even be simultaneous
Punch me with respect :D

sexy fussing could work great as an intro though

[ y'know to make the whole banging Emotionally Charged instead of a casual fuckbuddy thing quite possibly WHAT IS GOING ON ]

It's still embarrassing! Just a few years ago I'd have been terrified that you were going to eat me or something!!
And okay I mean you *are* also unbelievably crass and a complete douchebag
Which doesn't exactly scream sophistication??
But it honestly doesn't take much to be more sophisticated than Pandoran bandits so in comparison you're practically royalty, dude ;P

[ Somewhere in town, Handsome Jack is probably literally rolling in his grave

or

corpse drawer

WHATEVER ]

Noted!! I can't believe my fussing is actually WELCOME for once. Man, I'm learning so much from you >:PPPP
Which reminds me that you said you'd give me some lessons in uh
stuff
before all the kidnapping business happened!
We should pencil those in for after you've recovered from your wounds, don't you think??

[ so offering to go down on someone is absolutely sexy fussing, right, ]

Yeah no that's only a reasonable fear if we've been stranded on an empty boat for weeks
Aw, I'm glad you know the real me

[ okay but the talk of going down on a bandit is probably making the corpse drawer rolling even more intense isn't it ]

[ at this rate jack just might bust out of the grave to exact revenge ]

Don't abuse your power alright
I don't need to be worried about or whatever it's just
nice
when someone actually gives a fuck about you every once in a while

[ the starvation is too real ]

I'll add this to my schedule ;)

Aww, you'd wait for weeks first??
That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me :''''''')

[ MORE SNORTLAUGHING. Angel stop. You'll alert zombie Jack to your presence and he'll haul you off to a basement again before you can say "bandit STDs." ]

I worry about EVERYONE, sorry!! At least a little!
But I know you can take care of yourself just fine
And um for the record I *always* give a fuck about you, not just once in a while!! In case that wasn't obvious. Is it obvious? *I* think it's obvious??
Like yes you drive me nuts sometimes but I still think you're great.
REALLY great!!
Because we're friends and I care and stuff.

{ N A I L E D I T ]

Yeah I'm
a gentleman like that

[ OKAY THIS IS HONESTLY MAKING EVEN HIM FEEL A LITTLE BAD. ANGEL WHAT IS YOUR LIFE AND SELF WORTH. ]

[ he probably wouldn't wait that long, just saying. ]

[ also zombie Jack is becoming a valid possibility at this rate. ]

[ and Squalo's sort of giving the text a dumb smirk because aww ]

I mean, you make it obvious.
With fussing.
So yeah, it totally is.

And I totally am, thanks for noticing

IC Contact - Snowblind

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