phaseshifter | IC Contact

Bandit! You wouldn't dare!! >:O
I'll defend my skincare with my life
(and my mighty muscles, of course)

i prefer the term "hired gun"
the buffer they are the harder they fall!

Your preferences would be a lot more valid if someone was HIRING you to steal my chapstick, you butt!!
And don't worry ok my fall will be cushioned by my rock hard abs
I'm pretty sure that's how it works

What if I'm hiring me to steal your chapstick
Would you rather I just lick it off of you

That's definitely not how it works
Sounds more like you're gonna break some bones on your own rock hard abs

oh my goD

That seems very inefficient! It's not going to do much good protecting you from frostbite when it's on your tongue, duh B))))
And no don't worry: my bones ALSO have muscles
My workout routine is just that intensive
They are so beefed that they're unbreakable!!

[ gdit Angel stop cockblocking him he's just gonna Give Up now ]

Then how about
I aggressively rub my unmoisturized face against yours and we'll see what sticks

tHAT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY EITHER
those are some jacked up bones you got there
guess we don't need to worry

[ wow this is well-timed then gj ]

GASP!! You mean you're going to engage in the most forbidden of Pandoran mating rituals??
Consider me EFFING SEDUCED

[ Or utterly losing her shit. Either works. ]

And you don't know my bones or my life!!!
They all have tiny little six packs
Sucks for you that you can't be this shredded, but don't hate me because you ain't me :T ♥

[ fff y u do this ]

SURE AM
knew I would crack the code sooner or later

[ nnnope can't keep a straight face on this end either ]

careful, someone might decide to take some out to get a look [ not him though ]
HEY DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CAN'T BE

Well done!!
Though speaking of codes I hope you know it's not over yet
It's ALSO Pandoran tradition to wear a chastity belt that can only be unlocked by successful completion of a game of sudoku so I hope you're good at math :TTTTTTT

[ She probably looks like a complete fucking lunatic to anyone nearby with all the snickering going on. Worth it, though. SO WORTH IT. ]

Wow, let them try!!
And look I'm sorry but some people simply aren't made to be as unbelievably ripped as I am :C

[ CACKLING INTENSIFIES ]

[ ...at least he probably knows what "sudoku" is? PROBABLY? ]

Well shit. Good thing I learn fast.
Bet it can also be unlocked by breaking it, though.

[ either that or as a 14 year old texting her crush? gross. ]

Am I "some people" now I'm fucking hurt
I shall achieve the rippedness

Well shoot
I was about to be like "oh but what if you break my buttbone in the process" but we already established that my bones are the epitome of buffness??
I think I just owned myself :'C

And ok, fine, MAYBE you can achieve my level of shreddednessosity™
You have the determination and the badassery!! ♥
But it's going to take grit, and hardship, annnnd one of those cool training montages like in the old movies.
Are you a bad enough dude to go through that??

damn right you did
but don't worry your buttbone is safe w/me

I AM READY
WHAT ARE THE TWELVE TRIALS

I'm holding you to that!!
Uh, the safety
Not my buttbone
That could make travelling pretty difficult?? :\a

[ TEEHEE ]

And wow you don't get all twelve at once!!
Patience is a VERY important bump on the road to true ultimate 100% megabuffness
So much so that the first trial is waiting five years to make it to trial two. Unless you like pay a million bucks to skip to the next one
We kinda stole our business model from scientology here at supermegabuffcorp :U

Both works
I could probably carry you with my pinky
Not necessarily by the buttbone

[ why has buttbone become a thing why ]

wow who has that kind of patience
FUCK THE TRIALS

Oh, you could not!!
One-handed MAYBE
But not just with your pinky!! Not without some serious finger exercises on your part and some balancing practice on mine :TTTTTT

[ shhhhhh do not question the buttbone shhHSHHSHhhshhshhhhhhhh ]

Wow, fine, be that way!!
You'll have to settle for being the non-roided-out kind of badass
You must be very disappointed

The metal one's pretty sturdy ;)

[ nO ]

[ back to bullshitting then ]

I'll live
I'll probably cry a little tonight but what can you do
Still better than facilitating patience just for this

Sturdy enough to lift the buffest person in town???
S w o o n !

Oh no now I'M going to cry all through the night knowing I've made YOU cry
Could anything be more tragic??
I guess this is just what you get when you meddle with forces of badassery that no human is equipped to deal with
In the future we should both probably........ abs-tain from such things B))))

[ stOP ]

If you want a trial run...

Oh no
They'll probably build a movie around this moment and make the next equivalent of Marilyn Monroe star in it

[ ACTUAL GROAN AT THE PUN ]

i
i have no comeback to this
pls stop talking to me

[ no don't ]

Only if you promise not to throw me with it!!
I've been thrown by a jerk with a robot arm before (GUESS WHO) and it was so freaking undignified >:O

And wait why Marilyn Monroe
Is this a dig at my teen goth phase because I'll have you know I looked kind of adorable anOH NO WAIT THAT'S MARILYN MANSON
HECK
Was Monroe the one with the skirt? Ancient history was never my strong point /)_(\

[ ANGEL UR AN EMBARRASSMENT ]

And I can shut up if you really want me to
I mean, I'd hate to
muscle
in on your alone time or something?? B)

pretty sure getting thrown is undignified no matter what it's done with

Yeah with the skirt and 1000 movies and the like fucking cult-like following
If I never have to sleep through another film with her it'll be too soon

[ he's... not a big fan. Same as with opera. Lussuria and possibly Xanxus, however... ]

You are, however, welcome to
bone in
on that whenever you like

[ because her bones have muscles get it get it ]

Wait, she has THAT much of a following in your time??
Huh
I mean if it's any consolation her relevance doesn't really last long enough for me to know much about her so she can't be THAT popular any more
I'm guessing her movies don't have enough explosions in them for Pandoran tastes :TTTT

[ Imagine if they did, tho. INCREDIBLE ]

And omg congrats on the STRONG showing on the pun front B)
You've gotta be careful with your... *tone* when you're talking about alone time, though. People might get the wrong idea B))))))

(tone like. muscle tone? Iunno muscle puns are actually kinda hard)

i was exaggerating but it feels like that sometimes
good to know

im getting the feeling i have Pandoran tastes

[ it sounds like the kind of planet Varia would own tbh ]

close enough
i don't mind :p

[ look you taught him to emote... ]

Pandoran taste is good taste!
Uh sometimes
Some of the scuzzier bandit camps are really just kind of gross but whatever!!

And omg
You did an emote!! A cute one!
I'M SO PROUD ♥
brb screenshotting it to preserve it for all time B)

Great.
Sounds like my coworker's fridge.

NO REDISTRIBUTIONS!!

Considering how grody fridges can get you're
probably not actually that far off
I don't want to know the deets, do I?

And don't worry, I'll put it nice and safely into my emergency blackmail folder!! >;P ♥
Right next to the photos of Beckett in a flower crown
You should be honoured >:3333

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shitpost: the cr

IT'S THE BEST

:''')

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